As part of our initiative to encourage entrepreneurship in Bagar, we are advising a guy who aspires to sell cattlefeed in his village. After he completed his primary research about the product, it was our responsibility as potential funders to verify all his information. Therefore a few days ago, two of us visited Chidawa, the location of his potential supplier, to ask around about cattlefeed. Although having done some research, my knowledge in the area of cattle anything, as you can imagine, is quite limited (ie. non-existent). Despite this, my Cypriot colleague and I head out to see what we could learn.
Chidawa is a significantly larger village / town in comparison to Baggar and, unlike Baggar, everyone doesn't know everyone and we, in fact, knew no one. So got off the bus and headed towards the supplier. Walked into this random cattlefeed shop, introduced ourselves, our purpose and awkwardly wondered how to proceed. Being the only one who could speak Hindi from the two of us, I was obliged to take the lead on the discussion. Not only was I feeling extremely uncomfortable, but having been brought up in the rush of the western world, I seriously doubted this guy would waste his time answering my questions. I was hesitant to start conversing with him in the fear that he might express disinterest and shoo me off.
Left with no real choice, I started asking questions from the list we had prepared. Initially, the Indian businessman 'I'm so busy, throwing out orders to random people for no real reason but to show my authority, doing you a favor by wasting my time with you' seriously intimidated me. However as I persisted with question after question, I saw that inside the tough, confident exterior was this really bored dude who was quite entertained by the novelty and attention that we, foreigners, had attracted by coming into his shop. His answers to my questions got longer and longer and longer, and soon enough I had make very little effort for the conversation to continue.
After listening to his life history, we finally thanked him and left. Walked around for a bit, before entering the next cattlefeed supplier, ten minutes away from the other one. Having learned more about the product and a little more confident in starting random conversations, I didn't feel as awkward here. Following the same procedure, the questioning began. The combination of seeing a white guy standing in the middle of Chidawa market and me (a woman in the midst of a conservative society), asking questions about cattlefeed, attracted all kinds of people. And well in India, when one person stops to watch, suddenly curiosity overcomes busy lives and everyone follows. So, in no time, we had an entire circle of people, shamelessly watching. Again feeling extremely conscious, it was difficult for me to ignore the stares and whispers and continue working. So with a boost of some confidence, I stopped looked around and said really loudly "what happen? Today everyone has time to enjoy the show?" (in Hindi of course). Embarrassing half of them and making the other half laugh, they all dispersed almost immediately. I felt quite empowered.
I compare myself to who I was in Antwerp / London, always a little cautious when talking to strangers. Always embarrassed to attract attention, in a constant fear of judgement regardless if I know the crowd or not. Never proactive in conversing with others, always wondering if I said the right thing or not. This experience, amongst millions in my time at Bagar, has empowered me. Made me less scared of people, realising that this fear only arises from your own lack of confidence. The irony lies in the fact that, as an volunteer at GDL, it's part of my role to empower others in the community, whether by speaking to women, by playing with children or by advising youth entrepreneurs, however in ten days I will leave here feeling significantly empowered myself.
The last place we went to, the man looked at us and said 'Sorry, I don't have time, I'm not interested', bluntly and rudely. If this had been the first place I had gone to, I would have felt disheartened and probably given up. I smiled politely, probably leaving him feeling a little guilty while I walked away unaffected...
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